Three Ways to Finally Pursue Your True Calling

Odysseus returns to Aeaea for Elpenor's funeral rites. First the Greeks must get past the Sirens whose irresistible songs lure sailors into their island's coastal reefs. Next they must avoid the Clashing Rocks, which only the ship of the Argonauts ever escaped.

As he sets sail, Odysseus passes Circe's counsel on to his men. They approach the island of the lovely Sirens, and Odysseus, as instructed by Circe, plugs his men's ears with beeswax and has them bind him to the mast of the ship. 

Even though he knew that the Sirens would lure his sailors to danger in the island's reefs,
Odysseus was curious and wanted to listen to the Sirens. However, he had plugged the ears of his men, so they would not hear the Sirens songs or Odysseus' requests to turn towards the island's reef. 

The Sirens voice is Resistance. Resistance is the fear of failure or success. It is that seductive voice that lures you away from finally starting to live your dream or what you were meant to do in life.

Learn to beating Resistance and find your true calling.

Have you ever bought one of those abdominal crunch machines and brought it home only to let it collect dust? Or perhaps joined a gym and end up not going to the gym? Or stop short of starting a business you wanted to do? What about some kind of philanthropic thing you said you'd do in the future but never got around to it? What is stopping you is called Resistance.

Awareness of this negative force called Resistance helps you tremendously in battling Resistance. Resistance is that voice in your head telling you that today is NOT the day to do it because it's either not the best time, your kids soccer match is today, or you aren't completely financially comfortable.

Once there is such a thing as Resistance and you realize that it is not a real voice, it is easier to dismiss it at and just keep going.

What happens if you just ignore Resistance and let it win?

You lose your entire life. The resistance is the negative opposite reaction to what your soul's calling is. If you were born to be a warrior or coach then you will feel resistance to that. If you listen to that voice and you don't do it then you lose your calling. How many people work jobs where they are only in it for the money? Then when they look back, they realize they just wasted all that time pursuing something they didn't care so much for.

A well-known therapist has a theory on patients that are diagnosed with terminal cancer. Their whole life image changes and suddenly they focus on what is really important and what isn't. They have some kind of prolific realization of when they were a kid they enjoyed painting or arts. But, instead they put their dreams on the shelf and became a lawyer or got their MBA. The therapist would encourage them to follow their dreams. Surprisingly enough, some  of the cancers actually go into remission at that point. Is it possible that we get cancer because we don't do what we were born to do?

Have you heard of the authentic golf swing? The idea that your golf swing is already there as a kid and is different from everyone else. Take a look at Tiger Woods' golf swing and how it looked when he was kid compared to how it looks now. It's nearly the same style. Similarly, kids are born into this world with their own personalities and everyone is difference from one another.

The idea of that you can be anything you want to be is a bit crazy. If you are 4'11 the chances of you becoming a professional basketball player are slim. But you can be great at a lot of other things. The idea is to become the best version of your authentic self. Find that calling and then get out of your own way. Go for it!

Ask yourself, what is your thing? Embrace that and then cultivate that. What brings you joy? What is your unique ability? What are you called to do? What is your true calling? The answer goes back to is what do you feel resistance to? What activity produces the deepest terror and that's what you need to do.

Learn the concept of turning professional. 

Make that mental shift from looking at something as an avocation and turn it into a vocation. This is the shift from the point of view of a weekend warrior versus a real warrior. The professional attitude keeps you from becoming impatient and taking things too personally failures or successes. The professional goes at it hardcore with a no BS attitude. As a professional, you go at it day in and day out. That's what you do and you are not dependent on external praise. You can fail, but just keep going. Follow your views and stars. There will be a lot of resistance, but embrace it. This is normal and the more you feel resistance then the more important it is for you to do it. 

Stay in a place where you are putting yourself in a place of discomfort. Not a place where you are safe and be like oh I've done this before and I know how to do this. Jump in like you would do when you were in your early twenties and abandon everything, give it your all, and hope for the best. It gets harder as you get older because you know when it's not going to work out. But so what? What do you have to lose? You may have a lot to lose but be willing for the pitfall. 

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There's More to Life than Being Happy - Emily Esfahani

Like Emily Esfahani, I also used to think the whole purpose of life was to pursue happiness.

My initial pursuit of happiness had led me to search for the ideal job, the perfect companion, and the best house or condo. However, when I finally got all of that, I was still left feeling empty. What was I missing inside that I couldn't explain?

I turned to books and would spend countless nights reading books on how to become happier. These books ranged from topics on Psychology of Optimal Experience to books written by the Dalai Lama and even a book written by arguably the "happiest person in the world" in Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill. While I did learn a tremendous amount from reading these books, I didn't feel any happier than when I first began reading. How ironic. 

So what truly makes people happy then? 

It turns out that the data shows that chasing happiness can actually make people unhappy. The suicide rate has been rising around the world. Even though life is getting objectively better by every conceivable standard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone.

Sooner or later we all wonder, is this all there it is? According to research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It's is a lack of having meaning in life.

What's the difference between being happy and having meaning in life?

1. Being happy often means being in a state of comfort and feeling at ease in the moment.

2. Meaning is deeper. Meaning gives a sense of belonging. You end up serving something beyond yourself. Seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. It helps you become more resilient and do better at school/work and has shown that you can even live longer. 

Q: What is the power of having meaning?
A: When life is really good and really bad having meaning gives you something to hold on to. 

How can we live more meaningfully? 

Here are the four pillars to a meaningful life that Emily Esfahani had described in her TED talk (linked at the end of this post)

1) Belonging - Being in a relationship where you are valued for who you are intrinsically and where you value others as well can create a sense of belonging. If you are valued for who you hate and what you believe those do not create a true sense of belonging. True belonging springs from love. You can choose to cultivate love. Lead with love and you'll create a bond. 

2) Purpose - Finding your purpose is not the same thing as finding the job. It is about less what you want, and more about what you want to give. The key to purpose is using your strength to serve others. That's how we contribute and feel needed.

3)  Transcendence - These are the rare moments where you are lifted above the sense of self and you feel connected to a higher reality. It happens through being at church and sometimes you feel in the zone. Again it's less about you and more about others.

4) Storytelling - Creating a narrative from your events of life helps you create meaning. You can edit and interpret your story. You can reflect on your life and what you lost and what you've gained. You won't change your story overnight. Embracing your painful memories and defining the good that sustains you.

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4 Steps to a Pristine Mind and Unconditional Happiness

Grab the snow globe on your table. Give it a couple shakes. You'll notice that the snow that once settled at the bottom of the globe now covers the small town. Set the globe aside and eventually the snow settles back to the bottom of the globe and the small town is revealed.

Our minds are a lot like snow globes. Throughout the days we are bombarded with thoughts that augment and collide together. Eventually, all of our concerns, worries and expectations cloud our minds. As a result, we lose sight of the small town within. Often times this build up within our minds lead us to experience anger, fear, stress and unhappiness. The more clouded our minds are the more our negative thoughts feed off of the discourse within.

When you clear your mind, these mental constructions of anger, fear, stress and unhappiness subside just like when you let the snow in the globe settle. How do we clear our minds of such snowiness? In meditation, your mind is brought back to the present time. You let all our concerns, worries, and expectations that have built up over time settle.

Spend twenty minutes a day meditating and your anxiety and stresses will dissipate. If you want to clear your mind, focus on these four key steps.

1) Don't follow the past.
2) Don't anticipate the future.
3) Stay in the present moment.
4) Leave your mind alone.

If your mind is not in the past or in the future, it stays in the present. Twenty minutes of meditation a day will give you a whole day to enjoy everything throughout the day. Find happiness within yourself and you'll find happiness everywhere.

Our Pristine Mind: A Practical Guide to Unconditional Happiness

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How to Live in the Present Moment

In value investing, we look to see how much a business is worth. If it is selling at less than its worth, then we would invest in the business. The way we value the business comes from determining what the future cash flows might look like. After all, investing is putting money away now, so you can have more money later.

Have you gone into work any day of the week except for Saturday or Sunday and wished that it was the weekend? When was the last time you wished something was over? Maybe it was your company's busy season or tax season? 
Whatever the case might be, we are constantly looking ahead. While this is good that we are looking ahead, what about the here and now? Has society kept us from enjoying the present? 

My biggest flaw is being unable to enjoy the present and constantly planning for the future. I'm constantly looking for the ending. Get to the heart of the matter or get to the point. 

In music, we don't listen to just the end note and be done with it. The purpose is to enjoy all the notes linked together, which creates a song. In other words, we are to enjoy the journey. 

How do you change your perspective in life and still plan for the future? In Lebron James' words "Years go by fast that it's hard not to think about the future. You live for the moment, of course, but you've also got to prepare for the future. That's life. That's everybody. Being in the situation you're in now you definitely think about it, but you do live for the moment."

Everything ends. If we look at it from the point of view that at some point this will end, you are more likely to be grateful for when it hasn't ended and enjoy the journey. 

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Choose to Celebrate Life

Unfortunate is Scott Hamilton being diagnosed with his third brain tumor. Can you imagine yourself going through that not just physically, but also mentally? Remarkable is Scott Hamilton, a retired American figure skater and Olympic gold medalist, overcoming testicular cancer in 1997 and two other brain tumors in 2004 and 2010. 

How is it that someone like Scott is able to overcome these life threatening illnesses and continue to be so resilient? All the while he maintains such an overwhelmingly strong positive attitude. 

I complain about how I have to cook my own food when I get back from a long day at work or how I have to take my car to get an oil change. These issues are so minuscule in comparison to what Scott has to deal with on a day to day basis. I can't imagine how Scott is able to have that mental strength to fight through all that comes with being diagnosed with so many life threatening illnesses over and over again. 

How does he do it? 

The first thing is you need is to be in the right mindset. Scott looks at everything he and his family does as a celebration of life. In life there will be challenges you face and some are going to be more difficult than others. There will be things that you wished didn't happen, but you have little or no control over. You will make mistakes along the way. The key to all of this is how do you react? How do you get up? Scott Hamilton says, "The more times you get up, the stronger you are to face the next thing, which will happen — because that’s life."

Understand what you are dealing with. The more educated you are about the situation, your options, and how other have dealt with the same or similar issue the better you are equipped to make a decision. 

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Three Reasons to Not Worry and Be Grumpy

1) What a cup of water has to to do with stress

How heavy is a cup of water? The longer you hold it the heavier it feels. After a minute your arm is hurting and after a minute and a half you feel more pain. By two minutes you are in agony.

What should you do when it feels heavy? Put it down and rest. Pick it up later and it will feel lighter. 

Stress has nothing to do with how much work and duties you have in life. The solution to stress is when life feels heavy do you know how to put it down and rest? Just put the job down for a few minutes and take a break. Then go back to the computer screen you have tons more ideas. Sit down and give yourself half an hour to rest. You'll be more productive and more ideas will come.

2) Why you should give yourself permission to be grumpy

Allow yourself to be whoever you are at this moment. Even if you are sick, accept being sick. Suppose someone sees you in the hospital, they are going to ask you how are you feeling. They've come all the way to see you and you aren't going to tell them you feel sick or still don't feel better. So this puts pressure on you to lie.

The morale of the story is that "we are always trying to be something that we are not and that's when we get in trouble."

There was a guy who was sick for many years. He was a champion wrestler and Rhodes Scholar, but he felt terrible and for many years could not come out of his room. One day someone went down to his room and told him on behalf of everyone around him, he gave him permission to die.

For years, he's being trying to fight the disease and he cried because at that moment he felt like he could just be. When you are sick you are trying so hard to get better it can kill you. As soon as there was no guilt and the attached stress disappeared, he started to get better.

The morale of the story is that "we are always trying to be something that we are not and that's when we get in trouble."

3) How kindness can make problems get smaller

There was a monster and it came into an empress' palace when she was away on business. All the guards who were suppose to guard the place left. The monster went into the empress' throne and sat on it. The guards told it to go away and said bad things to it. The monster started to feed on that negativity and hatred. Soon it became bigger and bigger. Each bad word made the monster bigger. By the time the empress came back it was so frightening and so smelly.

The empress came back and was kind to the monster. She offered him a drink and food. With each complement the monster became smaller and smaller. This was an anger eating monster. The morale of this story is that kindness can make many problems get smaller and more possible to fix. 

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Power of Humor - Find the Lighter Side in Life

Last May, three of my college friends and I embarked on a journey to the downunder to find our Australian accented soulmates or our Jayesslees. Don't tell me their accents are not attractive. While the four of us were good friends, this would be the first international trip where we would be together for an extended period of time. The most time we've spent together as a group prior might have been four hours max, when we played Taboo or Settlers of Catan into the wee night after a long day frolicking in the rain. Spending time with each other once a month is much different than seeing someone's fact every minute of the day for ten days non-stop. Now I don't mean we are literally staring right in each other's faces for ten days straight, thought that would be quite hilarious. This trip to Australia would inevitably be the first real test of our friendships. If we don't pass, we would all de-friend each other on Facebook.

To cut to the chase, the trip had its ups and downs. We had an open unplanned Sunday morning. One of my friends was adamant about visiting a swap meet. While we all agreed, we did not have any information as to whether or not there was a swap meet nearby or at all. Without any swap meet details, the group largely dismissed her request. All the while, she had gotten ready to leave the hotel to go to a swap meet. You can imagine how confused the group was when she asked everyone why nobody looked up a nearby swap meet. Well heck, if you want to go to a swap meet and nobody else was dying to go, take initiative and find one yourself! We are all adults here. Eventually, one of us in the group found a swap meet and managed to make a great experience out of it all. 

"Humor leads to laughter, which releases endorphin that allow us to endure and triumph over pain. Recent studies have showed that laughter increases creatively, improves health, and strengthens relationships."

While there were may other conflicts and trivial issues such as the swap meet incident, most of us remember the humorous events. For example, my friend running across the beach and then slipping and almost falling on his face. The time when my friend and I acted like monkeys trying to climb up a coconut tree just because we wanted the satisfaction of picking our own coconuts.Though we failed miserably. Also, the time when we ended up sharing a laugh with an expat who had adopted the Australian accent just two weeks in to her stay. How is all of this relevant? We tend to be drawn towards more of the humors events than the serious and unpleasantries in life.

Professor Jennifer Aaker of Stanford Business School shared some insightful finds on the power of humor. Humor leads to laughter, which releases endorphin that allow us to endure and triumph over pain. Recent studies have showed that laughter increases creatively, improves health, and strengthens relationships. 

Psychologists Alice Isen and her colleagues asked participants to solve a classic candle task whereby they were given a box of matches, a box with tacks and a candle. Can they attach the candle on to a nearby wall without letting the candle when lit to drip to the table below. She and her colleagues broke the participants into two groups. One group watched a short humorous video and the other a neutral video. You may be able to guess what the results were. Those who watched the humorous video prior to working on the candle task were more likely to solve the candle task then those who watched the neutral video. The solution to the candle task is taking the box and tacking it on the wall. Then putting the candle in the box and finally lighting the candle. 

In another study, a group of participants who were shown clips from a stressful movie such as Saving Private Ryan and two days later they were shown clips from a humor movie called KingPin. Blood flow was measured prior to the viewing of the clips and afterwards. Guess what? Blood flow increased by 20% after watching clips from KingPin! 

Humor helps strengthen relationships. In a recent study, couples were asked to reminisce about times where they've shared memories and then times when they've laughed together. Couple who recall laughing together were more fond of each other. 

There you have it, laugh, laugh and laugh some more. Find the humorous side of life. You'll be able to improve your health, become stronger mentally, and build stronger relationships. 

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What Makes A Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Happiness Study - Summary

The Harvard study of adult development began in 1938 and tracked two groups of men totaling 724 for 75 years. One group included sophomores from Harvard who ended up serving in WWII shortly after graduating. Another group consisted of Boston boys in the poorest and most disadvantaged areas. Taking populations from two differing spectrum of privilege helps to control the effects that has on living a good and long life. Over the course of 75 years, many of the individuals in the study became lawyers, factory workers, bricklayers, doctors and one was President of the United States. Not only did the Harvard study interview these individuals in their very own living rooms, but they drew blood samples, scanned brains, and talked to their parents.

What are the most important life goals? Of the recently surveyed millennials, 80% said that becoming rich was an important goal. In that same population, 50% believed it was important to become famous. We are constantly being reinforced by society to work hard and achieve greater to have a good life. But, is that truly what will give you a good life?

The Harvard study generated tens of thousands of pages of research. The lessons learned were not about wealth, fame, or working harder. In the 75 year old study, it is good relationships that keep us healthier.

1) Social connections are good for us and loneliness is not. Those who are more socially connected to family, community, and friends are physically healthier. People who are more isolated find that they are less happy and health decline earlier.

2) It is the quality of the relationships and not quantity that is important. Turns out that those living in conflict without much affection are worse off then getting divorced. People in good warm relationships stayed happier even when they experienced more physical pain.

3) Good relationships protect your brains as well. Those in securely attached relationship with people you could count on stay sharper longer. Relationships don't need to be smooth sailing all the time, as long as they felt that they could count on each other, that's what matters.

This is not rocket science or anything novel. So then why do we ignore this? We are humans and human nature is wanting quick fixes. Relationships are hard work, not glamours, and is an on-going life journey. People who fared the best over their lives are also those who leaned into relationships with family, friends and community.

The good life is built with good relationships. 

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Scott Adam's Template for Success - How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big Summary

Scott has failed 36 times. All failures have something to teach you. 10% of the things he's tried has worked out really well. Most of the things he tried were high risk/high reward kind of things, so he expected a high failure rate. However, one thing that did work out for him was the Dilbert comic.

His book 'How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of my Life' focuses on three core ideas.

1) Goals are for losers - Use Systems
2) Passion is overrated - Get Energy
3) Luck can be manipulated  - Change the Game

In today's complicated world, having a goal is sort of like being on a horse with a bow and arrow shooting a target in the fog and at the same time the target is moving. Sometimes you'll hit the target. But, in this complicated world, the odds are not that good that you would hit the target. When you focused on a goal, you limit yourself. Maybe there are things that you you'll miss by focusing on that goal. Instead Scott Adams suggest that you create a system. A system is something you do regularly that improves your odds and makes you more valuable. Thereby, in the long run the odds of success will be in your favor.

What is a System vs. a Goal?

Scott Adams gave an example of himself and his friend Manuel. Both of them liked girls. Adam's approach was goal oriented. He would find one girl that he was interested in and then try and figure out how to bump into her and what to say to her. Most times he would get rejected and that would be that. Manuel had a systems' approach, he would ask everyone in the room if they wanted to be his girlfriend. Every time he went through his process, he was learning to take rejection and what the best pick-up lines were. Manuel was becoming more valuable as he went no matter what happened.

A friend of Scott's would interview for jobs that he didn't want. Basically jobs that would pay less than he was making now and/or be in lower positions. His friend used it as practice and every time he would improve as an interviewer. At the end of one of the interview, the interviewer said that his friend was overqualified for the job, but the head of the department just left that role would be great for him.

Complementary skills improve your odds of success. You don't have to be the worlds best, you just need to have a working facility of it. For example, Scott was a mediocre artist, not even the funniest person in any given room, not a great writer; but when you combine the skills together, he created the Dilbert empire.

What is the difference between the diet goal and a system? Suppose the goal is to lose ten pounds. Resist the cookie will be difficult. In a system, you could replace willpower with something such as knowledge. For example, most people know that vegetables are more healthy then cake. Now suppose you go to a salad bar and see pasta and white potato; which one would you choose to be healthier. Pasta is healthier and knowledge would let you know that is what you should pick. Learning over time which type of flavoring to make your food taste better is better than resisting foods. Eventually the flavoring and seasoning of your healthy foods will be up to the level or near that of bad foods.

Replace willpower with habits. Habits can be built by doing something on a daily basis every day and giving yourself a reward at the end. If you can't do a full workout, underdo it and do half that way it always feels good and it builds a habit. 

Get energy instead of being "passionate".

If successful people didn't attribute their success to passion, what else could they say about having passion? "I'm smarter than poor people." "I did some insider trader that how I got started." "I was lucky". There isn't a good answer. The winner of American Idols all have passion. Well, have you not seen entire stadiums of people in the first couple weeks? It looked like everyone was passionate. If you go by the numbers, passion is more correlated with failure than success. In the formula for success, if you pick out passion, everything would be the same. Instead of passion, boast your energy and systems. Be physically and mentally alert to power through things you need to. You also end up liking or "having passion" for things that you are good at. In order to be good at things, you'll need to practice and put in the work. 

Luck is the elephant in the room. 

Luck can be manipulated. Getting lucky is like being struck by lighting. You can increase the odds by being outdoors in the rainstorm. In addition, you could hold a lighting rods. You can't directly control luck, but you can move to game of bad odds to better odds. People who considered themselves lucky or were more positive had a wider field of perception. They would note opportunities that other people wouldn't see. 

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What the Body Says that the Mind Can Not - Key to Solving Anxiety

Picture yourself running the last mile of a half-marathon. Your feet feel as if they have had cement rocks chained to them, your arms feel as if you've been carrying twenty pound weights for hours on end, and any minute now your heart is about to burst. But, your brain tells you to push on. You only have a mile left. You tell yourself that you can do it. When the brain overrides the body, we call this sheer will power.

While marathon runners, triathletes, and professional athletes have excelled at their respective fields through sheer will power, their bodies are typically pushed to extreme limits. As a result, the body sends out warning signals to tell the brain to slow down. We often associate will power with being mentally strong. Will power is generally view in a positive light. However, not only are there physical repercussions to this, but there are also mental ones.

"The brain works on pursing happiness and is much more concerned about the future than the present, which results in us feeling anxious all the time.

In modern society, we largely ignore the wisdom of the body in favor of the brain. In general, we as humans rely more so on our brain than basic instincts. This is not a bad thing as it has gotten us to where we are now. Animals eat with their stomachs, we eat with your brains. When an animal's stomach is full, they stop eating. If snacks are lying around, do you just grab it and munch on them even if you don't feel hungry?

While there is generally no major issue with using our brain before acting, modern society has pushed it to certain extremes. The brain works on pursing happiness and is much more concerned about the future than the present, which results in us feeling anxious all the time. We are always working on anticipating what is coming next. Since the future has not arrived yet, we use a series of assumptions and leverage past experiences to attempt to predict the future. This is purely abstract and evidently there is always a level of uncertainly in what the future brings. Yet we chose to purse the future. Sometimes it even feels like the more we chase it the further away it runs. At the end of the day, we fail to enjoy the present and constantly think about the unpredictable and largely uncontrollable future.

Our concern for how the future will leads us to our obsession for external stimulants that eventually drives this endless cycle of craving for more lavish things. There no shame in striving for the better job, the bigger car, or the mansion house. However, when begin to believe that having those things will make us happy, nothing will ever be enough.

This week, take sometime to listen to your body. If it tells you it is tired, go to sleep. If you are feeling anxious, sit down, relax, and enjoy where you are right now for ten or twenty minutes. The present is only here for a limited of time. Why not try and enjoy it. After all, what is the point of always planning for the future if you never enjoy it when it comes.

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Be Happier and Make Decisions that are "Good Enough"

Suppose your laptop broke down or is showing signs of wear and tear. You finally decide to go shopping for a brand new laptop computer.

Good Enough - Satisficer

The satisficer says, "I just need one that will let me check my e-mail, run YouTube, be able to play movies, and of course is reasonably priced. It doesn't have to have the best processor or even have the biggest hard drive."

You go to the department store and check out four different laptops. Of course you try and figure out which one will suit your needs and is priced reasonably. You weed out the most expensive model because it has more gadgets than you really need. Since you plan on keeping your laptop for a while, you want something that is durable and not made cheaply. So, the least expensive laptop is out of the question. Now you have two to chose from. Just when you are about to pick one over the other, the sales associate comes over and introduces you to three more laptops. You feel like you've already made a decision on your laptop, so you stick with yours and head for the checkout line. All of this might have taken you thirty minutes tops. You understand that you might have not made the "best" choice, but it is one that is good enough for your needs. The extra time spent on trying to compare and contrast the other three laptops is not worth the effort for the incremental benefit. Now dust your hands off, you've just made yourself a decent purchase.

Best Option Ever - Maximixer

The maximizer says, "I want to find the best laptop for my money."

Despite your high expectations right off the bat, like the satisficer, you were able to weed out two of the laptops right off the bat. But, the moment the sales associate brings in those other three laptops, you begin to analyze those as well. One of the laptops is actually fairly similar to that of another. The only difference is one has a bigger hard drive, while the other one has a better graphics card. You do want to play games on this laptop, but you also value the extra storage for your movies and music. After thirty minutes of going back and forth, you finally make a reluctant decision to go with the one with extra storage. On the way back home, you question whether or not you truly made the best decision. While objectively you've considered more alternatives and weighed the pros and cons a whole lot better than the satisficer, you can't help but question if you made the best choice after all.

Most likely the maximizer ended up with the better laptop when compared to the price paid. However because of higher expectations, the maximizer feels as if he could have done better. It is nearly impossible to scrutinize every little detail and come out with the "best" choice. That task is further complicated when even more choices are added to the equation. As a result, maximizers will unequivocally feel unsatisfied and disappointed at the results.

Signs you are a maximizer include the following:

1) You are always on the look out for a better job, even if you are satisfied with your current.
2) You TV channel surf even when attempting to watch one TV show.
3) Renting videos are difficult because you always want to choose the best one.
4) No matter what you do, you hold myself to high standards.
5) You have trouble picking what to eat because you struggle to make the correct choice.

What is the morale of this story? If you want to be happy, be a satisficer. If you want to optimize be a maximizer.

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Three Simple Tips to Turn Money into Happiness

According to a study conducted by Princeton economist Angus Deaton and famed psychologist Daniel Kahneman, the magic salary number whereby additional amounts would have no measurable effect on day-to-day contentment is $75,000 a year. If you make more than that, you don't gain any more happiness than if you made $75,000. Now whether or not we choose to believe this is another story. How did we pinpoint this amount? Why not $70,020 or $80,500? In any event, what is more important is how we decide to spend the cash we make.

You can always earn more money, but can't buy more time.

Time is money and money is time. Isn't that how the saying goes? They say we trade time for money when we are young and when we get older, we trade money for time. On weekends, my friends and I will frequent nightclubs or bars. Now in Los Angeles and in New York, there usually is a line for the more popular clubs. Sometimes the line is an hour and a half long or sometimes it's 45 minutes. Regardless, in the interest of time, we usually slip the bouncer $20 per head to get in. The way you go about doing this is you go up to the bouncer and tell them you have a reservation. At the same time, slip him the cash. We figure, we make more than $20 bucks an hour, so skipping the line is worth more than $20. Remember we can always earn more money, but we can't turn back the clock.

Buy more experiences vs. material possessions.

This one is less intuitive then you would think. Suppose I gave you a hundred dollar bill, would you rather buy these bluetooth speakers you've been wanting for your Vegas room pre-game party or spend it on a day at Universal Studios with your buddies or girlfriend? Your friends of course would have to pay for themselves. At first we might be more inclined to go for the speakers because after we spend the day at Universal Studios, all we would have left is a bunch of pictures and nothing to take home. Whereas, if we bought the speakers, we'd have the speakers for as long as we decide to keep them.

Now the problem with going for the speakers is that we'll start to compare the speakers to what other people have. If theirs is better than ours, we start to feel bad about our purchase. With activities, it is much harder to compare our experience with that of others. The reason being we may be with different people when we go or perhaps you go for different occasions.

Learn to give away your money.

Professor Elizabeth Dunn at the University of British Columbia discovered that those who spent money on other people were happier than those who treated themselves. This was even in the case where people had very little for themselves. This is an interesting paradox because one would think that the more money you have the happier you would be. But that is not the case! This sheds new light on the saying, "It is better to give than to receive.".

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Having More Choices is Better Right? Actually, It's Quite the Opposite.

Having Fewer Choices Leads to Happiness

The world we live in today is much different than the world we lived in thirty years ago. In particular we have more choices than ever before. For example, not only did we not have cell phones thirty years ago, but we also rented our land-line phones from a company called Bell. Now we have the iPhone 6, Samsung Galaxy Ace 2, HTC One, Sony Xperia U, Nexus 4, and so on and so forth.  

Technology has allowed us to communicate with just about anyone at any time from anywhere. At any point in time you may get a phone call from your boss or an email might come through your phone. You ask yourself, should I answer that phone call or should I reply to that email? Everywhere you turn there is a decision to be made. A choice you need to make.

Give a man or woman too many choices and we will find ourselves paralyzed or uncertain as to what to do. For example, if you take your lady to the mall and she sees hundreds of purses, she will not know which one to choose. What will end up happening is she will spend two hours looking for the "right" one. Then when she finally decides on a bag and purchases it, on the way home she will start to think about all the other bags that she didn't buy. She starts to question whether or not she made the right decision.

This similar scenario would play out for a guy who shopping for electronics. We compare and contract the latest phones or gadgets. Since there are literally hundreds of different electronics, we can't make a quick decision. The minute that we do, we end up thinking about the other gadgets we didn't end up buying. When there are more options to choose from, it is easier to imagine that you could have made a better choice. What ends up happening is that you regret the decision you made and that regret leads to less satisfaction.

"Opportunity costs subtract from the satisfaction we get out of what we choose, even when what we choose is terrific. And the more options there are to consider, the more attractive features of these options are going to be reflected by us as opportunity costs." - Barry Schwartz

When more choices are presented, we naturally raise our expectations. Suppose you were presented with 100 different soda flavors. Of course you'd expect that from at least one of those 100 flavors, you'd be able to find a perfect flavor. One that will blow your mind and be crowned the victor of all sodas. Arguably, if there is only one flavor, you will have lower expectations as to whether or not that particular flavor will dazzle your taste buds. Even when statistically in the 100 flavors there is a high probability that at least one of the flavors is better than that single flavor, the fact that our expectations are raised, will result in being less satisfied. In conclusion, if you want to be happy, just have low expectations. 

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Top Seven Tips to Becoming a More Interesting Person to Women

Ways to Become a More Interesting Person

1) Understand that becoming a more interesting person is a process. Therefore patience is involved. It doesn't happen overnight, nor should you expect it to. Focus on who it is you want to become in six months versus training for tomorrow's game. Be disciplined and start building the habits today that will be with you a lifetime.

What makes you a more interesting person?

2) Read. Read. Read. The more knowledgeable you are of what is going on in the world, whether it be history, sports, or just life in general, the more you can draw from in your conversations. One of the best ways of keeping up-to-date with the latest news is reading the newspaper. Alternatively, you can be subscribed via a feed to interesting blogs.

3)  Discover your passion. There is nothing more interesting than a person who is passionate about something. When you are passionate about something you will naturally exude confidence and excitement. That excitement is contagious and others will be inspired by your enthusiasm. Even if others do not share in the same passion, you'll find most people are intrigued by what captivates you. If you aren't sure what you are passionate about, get out of your comfort zone and try new things.

Best way to be interesting? Be someone who is interested in life.

4) Workout. Studies have shown that those who exercise are more alert during the day and actually get more done during the day. Another benefit towards working out is just the pure discipline it requires to go to the gym day in and day out. Be motivated to change your life. You'll be able to carry this disciplined to other aspects of your life. Being fit and exercising will ultimately raise your confidence, which will seep into your daily life.

5) Develop a great circle of friends. Not only is this a great way to share your knowledge, it is also a great way to keep up to date with the latest happenings. Having a diverse set of friends lends you to consider different personalities and helps you learn to interact with different people.

6) Go to more places so you can recommend better places. While most of us Yelp things, everyone understands that reading about something and actually being somewhere are two different things. Furthermore, just because someone else says something is great does not mean you will think it is great. While it may be likely that may be the case, there are plenty of times when my friends had an opinion about a certain place that I disagreed with. It's not a one size fits all, so it's better to experience things.

7) Have something that gives you a diverse range of interests versus watching Game of Thrones every Sunday night. Pick up a hobby whether it be eating and blogging about fancy restaurants, painting, or playing a new sport.

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Is Achieving Happiness Possible?

Happiness Comes From...

"If you bank on achieving genuine happiness and fulfillment by finding the perfect mate, getting a great car, having a big house, the best insurance, a fine reputation, the top job - if these are your focus, wish also for good luck in life's lottery" - Alan Wallace

Too often in our lives we aim to get this or to get that. But why not? Why not have goals and aspirations? After all, what is the purpose of life if we don't have things to look forward to or things to shoot for. Don't we often hear people say shoot for the stars and land on the moon?

Most of what we do in life is to ultimately find happiness. How often do you hear someone say I want to do this because it makes me miserable? You wouldn't do things that only gave you misery. We believe that if we have more money, a big house, nice car, the perfect mate, perfect job, then we will be happy. No one can deny those things are not desirable. But, when we pin our hopes and dreams on the external world, we will end up disappointed.

"A friend from Hong Kong once told me that he'd promised himself that he'd save a million dollars, then quit work and enjoy life, and thereby become happy. Ten years later he had not one million, but three million. What about happiness? His answer was brief: "I wasted ten years of my life." - Matthieu Ricard

We seek certain things because we believe we will be happy because of it. However in the pursuit of happiness, we sometimes get lost and end up chasing the very things that we believe will give us happiness for the sake of chasing.

Why is it that so many poor and unsuccessful people appear to be so happy. Yet we see those who are successful, have a good job, a good house, a good car, a family and are utterly depressed and sad? It isn't what you have or don't have, happiness is cultivated from within.

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What Fear Can Teach Us - Karen Thompson Summary

See Fear as a Story - Learn What Fear Can Teach Us

Karen Thompson Walker is a fiction writer who wrote the New York Times Bestseller book entitled The Age of Miracles. The book is about a girl and her life after the earth's rotation suddenly begins to slow down, which results in longer days and nights, change in gravity, and shifts in the environment. All the while, Julia is also dealing with everyday life's challenges.

Fear is often seen as a form of weakness. As adults we are often told not to worry and not to panic. In fact studies have shown that humans are hardwired to be optimists. Hope for the future keeps our minds at ease, reduces stress, and promotes physical health. Society and nature have conditioned us into looking at fear as something we need to overcome.

However, Karen Walker suggests that we should look at fear as an "amazing act of the imagination". As a child before you went to bed did you ever wonder if there were monsters hiding in your closet or underneath your bed? When we see young children express their fears, we deem them as having an vivid imaginations.

As we grow older, we leave these visions behind and "grow up". But these intense worries are exactly what sparked and fueled the works of Darwin, the Brontës, and Proust. What can we learn about fear from these visionaries and young children? Fears are really an unintentional way of storytelling. Fears have characters just like stories do. In our fears, the characters are ourselves. Like stories, fears have plots. There is a beginning, middle and an end. You board a plane, the plane takes off, and then the engine fails. Fears can also be every bit vivid as imagery found in a novel. Fears also have suspense.

"As a writer I can tell you a big part of writing fiction is learning to predict how one event will affect all the other events. Fear works in that same way. In fear, just like in fiction one thing always leads to another." - Karen Walker

If you think of fear as more than just fears, but as stories, we should think of ourselves as the author of those stories. We should also think of ourselves as the reader of those fears. How we choose to read our fears will affect our lives. Successful entrepreneurs share a habit called productive paranoia, which means instead of dismissing fears these people read them closely and translated the fear into preparation and action. So they were prepared when their fears came true. However, they don't always come true.

How can you tell fears worth listening to an all the others?

The best reader has a combination of two different temperaments - the artistic and the scientific. A good reader has an artists' passion; willingness to get caught up in the story. Also, coolness of judgment of a scientist, which acts to temper and complicate the intuitive reactions of the reader.

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Measure Success Through the Process

How Do You Define Success?

When someone says that they ran a marathon or finished a triathlon, immediately what comes to mind is that the individual is successful, physically fit, and a hard worker. After all, why would we assume otherwise? To finish a marathon or triathlon is by no means an easy feat. Likewise, when someone says that they work at Google or Apple, we immediately give them credibility. The reason is because we have this positive image of Google and Apple as being leading technological companies. We automatically assume that if someone works for them, they must be successful in that they possess certain skills that are highly desirable in the workforce.

In a world where so much information is constantly thrown at us, we use heuristics or mental shortcuts to make judgments. But, the problem with looking at the end result is that we then tend to associate the accomplishment with success. For example, you may think to yourself that if you are able to finally land that job at Google, then you will consider yourself successful. Or when you save up $50 million dollars then you will view yourself as being successful.

Success is not measured by what a man accomplishes, but by the opposition he has encountered, and the courage with which he has maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds…. -Orison Swett Marden

Chris Hadfield, a retired Canadian astronaut, believes this is how you set yourself up for a personal disaster. Even though Google is a large company and there are thousands of employees, most people in the world do not work at Google. In fact, relative to the entire population in the world, very few people work for Google. If you achieve a net worth of $50 million dollars you are considered to the in the top 0.002% of wealthy individuals in the world. While the latter is less likely to occur than the former, both of them are relatively rare occurrences. What happens when you don't achieve a net worth of $50 million or land a Google job, does that mean you are not successful?

While it is important to highlight your accomplishments on a resume, life is more about the preparation that is required for you to reach those peaks in life. The richness in life comes from the "challenges that we set for each other, and the way that we shape ourselves to rise to that challenge." In other words, life is much more about the journey of it all than the destination.

I think if there is any sort of meaning to life, its got to be something personal. How does the life you led affect your own conclusions about what's important to you? - Chris Hadfield

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Be Stronger Through Mental Imagery

Find Strength Through Mental Imagery

I've always wondered how some people are able to remain so poised and composed under pressure, while others frazzled and seem to lose control of themselves. Phil Jackson the former coach of Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant has been dubbed as the "Zen Master". He had a winning record every year as a head coach and has the highest winning percentage of any Hall of Fame coach. But, that isn't what impresses me the most. It is how he did it and more specifically his overall demeanor. During high pressured games he remained cool, clam, and collected. This doesn't mean he didn't show emotion. He just gave off the impression of a "we got this" mentality that ultimately feeds down to his players. On the flip side, if you look at Mike D'Antoni, he is like a rolling fireball. He more often than not appears agitated and loses control of his temper. A quick comparison of their coaching records shows which coaching style is more effective.



How do we develop this calm and poised demeanor? One way is to go through difficult experiences and grow acclimated to tough challenges. If as a young adult you grew up without both your parents and had to constantly jump from minimum wage job to job to support both your brother and yourself, you are going to have a tougher shell than someone who didn't go through that. You are less likely to sweat losing a job than someone who has had the same white-collar desk job for 30 years and suddenly the rug was pulled right underneath them.

Learning through experiences take time. We would rather learn the up front lesson than have to go through five years to get the same lesson. We use theories to accelerate our learning curve; lessons that others have learned through their experiences. Still, no matter how much you read about a situation or try to learn from others, there is nothing like going through the experience yourself.

You can watch a bunch of golf videos on how to swing a club and understand the mechanics behind a solid swing. However, this doesn't mean you will be a successful golfer. You still have to go and experience it.

The next best thing to actually going through experiences themselves is to use mental imagery to transport yourself into situations. This is not a new concept and frankly you are already be doing this. When you dream you are in a rehearsal for new challenges. When you dream your mind processes emotional material to help you mentally prepare for the situation when you are awake. But, you don't need to wait till you go to sleep to use mental imagery.

Whenever you have thoughts of stress, agitation, desire, pride, and greed cloud your mind imagine peaceful situations. Drop yourself mentally in a relaxing beach, placid lake, or imagine yourself on a high mountaintop overlooking the vast panoramic view. Next imagine yourself sitting quietly, your mind open and clear, as calm as windless prairie. Take notice of your inner storms dissipating and your strength from within growing. Your wounds may be deep, but they are not as strong as your mind over the matter itself.  

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Three Essential Not So Intuitive Life Hacks

Three of the Very Best Life Hacks 

You can have the best motherboard, processor, and biggest hard drive, but without the software to control these parts there isn't much you can do with it. Your mind is similar to that of a computer. It is just as important as the muscles it controls. There is a cliché that circulates around. How many times have you heard that a certain task is more mental than physical?

How we control our actions and what beliefs we hold comes from our brain. Why is it that some of us have a harder time making decisions under pressure or feel overwhelmed when multiple issues are thrown our way? Why are we able to perform at a high level when nobody is watching, but when the world is watching we fail?

Nature has favored not those who are bigger, faster, or stronger, but those who are more cerebral. This is clear in the wild whereby crows and even pigeons have assimilated into our human dominated society. If bigger, faster, and stronger were favored, we would have cheetahs and elephants dominating the top of the food chain.While crows and pigeons have prospered, many other species have died out as humans continues to urbanize the world.

Enact Positive Motivational Self-Talk

In our minds, we all have a vision of what a strong person looks like and how an understanding of how a weak person behaves. If we believe that we are weak, we will feel weak. But if we think of ourselves as strong, we feel strong. It is really as simple as that. The words we use to describe ourselves leads us in the direction of where we are mentally or physically.

For example, if I tell myself that "I'm worthless. I am the worst at everything. I can't get to where I want to be. I constantly fail and make mistakes." Then I am creating a self-destructive mentally, which will translate into my behaviors and thoughts. The best thing about this self-talk is that if you do the opposite you will feel strong. When you feel that voice in your head start to seep discouraging words into your mind, ask yourself is that really the case? Is this task truly impossible?

"The fact that we can change our feelings means we have power over them." - Richard J. Machowicz

Interesting enough, sport psychological studies have found that instructional self-talk such as "Use your core strength here" and "You know you can do this!" has helped athletes perform better and succeed.

Set Reasonable Action Lists

Goals are where we want to end up or a place we eventually want to reach. While it is great to dream and aspire, a goal is just a dream until we take steps towards reaching that goal. Most of us had at least one New Year's resolutions at the beginning of the year. But, as the months roll by, I'll be willing to bet that those resolutions have begun to slip away. I myself have already broken a couple, but the beauty of it is that you can still get back on the horse. There is nothing that says just because you broke your New Year's resolution, you should stop trying to meet your goal.

"The mind guides action." If we succeed in regulating our thoughts, then this will help our behavior." - Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis

Goals can seem overwhelming at first because usually it is something you've never done before. If it was something you've been doing for a while then it wouldn't be a goal. The key is to break a goal down into steps and create a definite action list. It is much easier to tackle smaller tasks than large tasks. This is also why the best way to beat procrastination is to just take the first step. Once you start something, set your eyes on a nearby target. As you get further and further into the project, set another nearby target.

Make sure you reiterate your goals. It is important to remind yourself of these goals and why you have them. Write these goals down and put them in places you visit everyday. That way you won't miss them. If you can't avoid them, then you will eventually have to accept them and this will help you work towards that goal of yours.

Set Your Bedtime and Stick to It

One of the reasons humans live so long is because we recharge our bodies. However, we can blame the invention of the light bulb and advancements in technology for the sleep loss in today's world. Studies have shown that in the 1940s on average people slept for 8 hours. According to a recent Gallup poll, that figure is down to just under seven hours. The recommended hours of sleep is seven to nine hours.

In college, I was fine with sleeping 6 hours a day. I would bounce back the next day without any problems. Now I am beginning to see the effects of sleep deprivation. I've become a lot more irritable and noticed a drop in my learning and performance effectiveness. There were a lot of activities that I used to be able to pick up quickly and efficiently, but now I feel a step slower. The scary thing is that you are more at risk of developing diseases and more likely to feel unhappy.

At the end of the day, there is no replacement for sleep. The next time you feel the need to complete that extra assignment at work or work overtime, take a step back. You will be more fresh and better equipped to tackle that challenge in the morning when you have more energy. It is better to be more efficient during your optimal hours of the day than sluggish and spend hours upon hours finishing a task that probably would've taken you thirty minutes if you were fresh.

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How to Discover what is Important in Your Life

What is Truly Important in Your Life? 

Are we looking far enough down the road? In today's fast paced society, whereby mail is now exchanged instantaneously and your every question is answered by Google in less than a second, we've grown accustomed to expect things to come immediately. However, this also means that we've started to consider our goals and aspirations on a month to month or day to day basis versus years and decades down the line. As a result, we may end up spending time on worthless pastimes or pursing possessions that don't necessarily mean much in the long-run.

"Years go by fast that it's hard not to think about the future. You live for the moment, of course, but you've also got to prepare for the future. That's life. That's everybody. Being in the situation you're in now you definitely think about it, but you do live for the moment." - Lebron James

It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of the day to day. That is why it is important to take a step back and look at the longer term. The below meditation exercise will help you temporarily change your perspective and help you see life in the light of a longer time period. Hopefully, this exercise will help you figure or reinforce what truly matters most in your life.  

With your eyes closed and after you've allowed yourself to deepen your sense of relaxation, whereby your muscles are relaxed and your breathing has slowed, begin by thinking of a long time. Consider a span of many years (5-10 years). After that idea has settled in your mind, extend that time to an even longer time period. You may be at 10, 20, or 30 years. When you are ready, double that time. Then double that time again.

From this viewpoint, you are now centuries away from when you initial started the exercise. Look back at your life and ponder the below questions. Simply allow your intuitive instincts guide your answers into awareness.   

1) What are the most important things in your life?
2) At the end of it all, what really matters?
3) What would you be better off doing more of?
4) What would you be better off doing less of?

Take a moment to write down your insights and reflect on them. You may discover that from a longer term perspective, your focus needs to be elsewhere or you could be right where you need to be. In addition, all the worries and difficulties you have from a day to day point of view will start to look small in the grand scheme of things. Now it's your job to ensure that you are on the right path and simplify your life by focusing on what really matters in life. 

"Consider what you are doing and ponder whether it is worthy that you devote your life to it." - Rabbi Nachman

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