Phil Knight is best known for being the co-founder and former CEO of Nike, multinational corporation that is engaged in the design, development, manufacturing and worldwide marketing and sales of footwear, apparel, equipment, accessories and services. Phil is a philanthropist giving away millions each year to support health care, higher education, and other causes, primarily in his home state of Oregon. He also the author of Shoe Dog: A Memoir by the Creator of Nike.
Overview and Thoughts about the Book
In Shoe Dog: A Memoir by the Creator of Nike, Phil Knight takes the reader on a front seat ride through his journey from borrowing $50 from his father to start a shoe company to creating one of the most profitable retail brands in the world. As many others have said before, including Warren Buffet in his 2016 Berkshire Hathaway shareholder letter, "Phil is a very wise, intelligent and competitive fellow who is also a gifted storyteller."
In a time where Adidas and Puma dominated the shoe market, Phil Knight and his business partner and coach Bill Bowerman overcame tremendous odds to create a company to compete on the same level. Phil takes us through with tremendous detail his business negotiations with not only the Japanese manufacturers, but his bankers, employees, how he met his wife, and even chalks up a couple life lessons he's learned along the way.
“What if there were a way, without being an athlete, to feel what athletes feel? To play all the time, instead of working? Or else to enjoy work so much it becomes essentially the same thing.” —Phil Knight
He reveals his secrets of how he become a successful entrepreneur. In the early days while working on Blue Ribbon, Phil juggled working firstly with Price Waterhouse, and then Coopers & Lybrand. Then became an accounting professor at Portland State University (PSU). The reason he did so was so that he could stay on his feet or in effect somewhat hedge his bet against his business, while growing his business at the same time. But, he quickly quit both to focus on shoes.
As someone who has been more curious about how businesses thrive and build competitive advantages, Phil offers enormous insight using Nike as somewhat of a case study. He had a great business partner in Bill Bowerman who was constantly inventing and improving shoes for his Olympic athletes. In addition, his extreme passion for sports and shoes helped him get through the ups and downs. By combining constant innovation from feedback from athletes on the highest levels, athletic endorsements, and shrewd manufacturing tactics, Nike became what it is now today.
Final Word
While Shoe Dog is largely a book about Phil Knight and Blue Ribbon becoming Nike, towards the end of the book Phil parts with some encouraging life lessons over his seventy plus years. For those that are less business oriented, these alone are noteworthy tidbits. He like many other successful individuals highly recommend that men and women in their mid-twenties not settle for a job or a career. Instead, find a calling. The fatigue and disappointments in life will be easier managed and your highs will be much more gratifying. Overall, this is an entertaining and contains a lot of useful business lessons.
In value investing, we look to see how much a business is worth. If it is selling at less than its worth, then we would invest in the business. The way we value the business comes from determining what the future cash flows might look like. After all, investing is putting money away now, so you can have more money later.
Have you gone into work any day of the week except for Saturday or Sunday and wished that it was the weekend? When was the last time you wished something was over? Maybe it was your company's busy season or tax season?
Whatever the case might be, we are constantly looking ahead. While this is good that we are looking ahead, what about the here and now? Has society kept us from enjoying the present?
My biggest flaw is being unable to enjoy the present and constantly planning for the future. I'm constantly looking for the ending. Get to the heart of the matter or get to the point.
In music, we don't listen to just the end note and be done with it. The purpose is to enjoy all the notes linked together, which creates a song. In other words, we are to enjoy the journey.
How do you change your perspective in life and still plan for the future? In Lebron James' words "Years go by fast that it's hard not to think about the future. You live for the moment, of course, but you've also got to prepare for the future. That's life. That's everybody. Being in the situation you're in now you definitely think about it, but you do live for the moment."
Everything ends. If we look at it from the point of view that at some point this will end, you are more likely to be grateful for when it hasn't ended and enjoy the journey.
Unfortunate is Scott Hamilton being diagnosed with his third brain tumor. Can you imagine yourself going through that not just physically, but also mentally? Remarkable is Scott Hamilton, a retired American figure skater and Olympic gold medalist, overcoming testicular cancer in 1997 and two other brain tumors in 2004 and 2010.
I complain about how I have to cook my own food when I get back from a long day at work or how I have to take my car to get an oil change. These issues are so minuscule in comparison to what Scott has to deal with on a day to day basis. I can't imagine how Scott is able to have that mental strength to fight through all that comes with being diagnosed with so many life threatening illnesses over and over again.
How does he do it?
The first thing is you need is to be in the right mindset. Scott looks at everything he and his family does as a celebration of life. In life there will be challenges you face and some are going to be more difficult than others. There will be things that you wished didn't happen, but you have little or no control over. You will make mistakes along the way. The key to all of this is how do you react? How do you get up? Scott Hamilton says, "The more times you get up, the stronger you are to face the next thing, which will happen — because that’s life."
Understand what you are dealing with. The more educated you are about the situation, your options, and how other have dealt with the same or similar issue the better you are equipped to make a decision.
Dr. John Gottman’s studied couples in normal environments whereby he would have each couple wear monitors and also code their facial expressions based on the couples interactions. Through his years of research, he was able to determine there were certain behaviors are distinctive in divorced couples. He repeated similar studies seven times with different populations. Based on certain identifiable behaviors, Gottman was able to predict the couples that would end up in divorce with 90% accuracy.
Four patterns "horsemen" that are destructive to relationships
Complain vs. Criticize - Your wife or husband throws all of his or her clothes on the floor and at the end of the week, there is a huge pile. Instead of saying, "you are such a slob, you treat this home like a frat house." Try complaining without blaming. For example, say "I'm not so hot on all these clothes being on the floor, I would really appreciate if you picked up your clothes." The idea is to use a gentle build up versus immediately criticizing your partner.
Defensiveness vs. Taking Responsibility - Defensiveness is warding of a perceived attack and can often be seen as counterattacking. If your partner is a master criticizer then you want to ward off that attack in a more diffusing manner versus attacking back. An example of attacking back, could be "well I didn't see that, but did you see the mess you made over there?". One way of responding in a more diffusing manner is by taking responsibility. For example, if your partner says you are such a slob, you could respond saying, "yes you are right those clothes have been on the floor and I haven't picked them up yet". You don't have to take the blame, you just have to take part of the responsibility.
Contempt vs. Describe Your Own Feelings and Needs- This is the most potent of the four "horsemen" and typically comes later in the relationship. When you truly believe you are better than your partner, it can comes across as really hurtful to your partner. In fact, it chips away at the immune system. Instead scan the environment and find what your partner is doing right. What is it that you truly appreciate in your partner. My partner may not be the best in this, but he or she is great at this.
Stonewalling vs. Do Physiological Self-Soothing - When your partner starts to escalate a situation and you stop paying attention to your partner you are stonewalling. Do physiological self-soothing by emotionally and cognitively disengaging. You might say, I can't have the conversation right now and go take a break. Reconvene at a later time when both of you are ready to speak.
Additional Relationship Principals
Love map principal - In order to have a strong relationship, you need to have a strong friendship foundation. You have to know everything about them. When you start to fall in love with someone, you might ask a bunch of questions to get to know them. For example, "what color do you like?" or "what are your goals?" Twenty-five years passes by and your partner changes, but you don't ask the same questions. Love maps is the idea that you have a map of the partner's internal map. Ask your partner open ended questions to learn more about them.
Nurturing the fondness and admiration - Focus on the positives of what your partner is doing versus the negatives. This is even applicable to those that you manage at a work place. If you are rewarding people you manage, they are more able to do those things correctly. Set an alarm everyday and send a text to your partner for example, "Thank you so much for.." or "I'm so appreciative for.."
Turning toward small things often - Doing small things consistently versus one-time splurges. Turning toward means your partner is looking for acknowledgement. If you are faced down on a phone or computer, you'll miss out on the cues from your partner. You can either turn towards your partner as a positive response, you can turn away and ignore, or lash back at them. Every time you turn towards your partner with a positive response, you are putting a deposit in much like a bank account. So, when there is a huge fight, you have enough buffer and don't over-withdrawal.
Letting your partner influence you - When your partner wants to pursue a goal or adventure, your first response is "whatever you want let's make it happen". Oftentimes, what actually happens is that you become a roadblock. The key is being able to negotiate and understanding why it is so important versus immediately saying no. When men were saying no and weren't even willing to negotiate, 81% of the time couples end up divorcing.
You can have solvable problems and perpetual problems. Solvable problems include "how are we going to use tax refund?" or "whose house are we going to for memorial day?" Oftentimes they tend to be short term in nature.
Perpetual problems are issues that are based more on values. If I am an introvert and my partner is an extrovert that is a perpetual problem. But it is not solvable, it is more about understanding your partner and finding common ground. Another perpetual problem is where one partner is frugal and the other is a big spender. If that is the case and both are looking to purchase a car, write down one or two core attributes you can not be flexible on. For example, it is important to me that we only buy a car with cash.
"You always and you never" are the worst way to bring an issue up. However, you can make a repair attempt. A repair attempt is anything that you do to derailed and change the conversation. For example, you might say "I apologize that is not what I meant to say, or it came out incorrectly". Alternatively you can be silly and lick your partner on his or her cheek. The key is that if you have a strong enough friendship, your partner will accept your "repair attempt".
Create meaning in a relationship by moving from I to we. Creating rituals allows for a meaningful relationship. For example, one husband every evening when the kids went to bed would put a tea kettle and when the tea kettle was ready, his wife and him would massage each other's feet and drink tea. It is the time when both of them can connect. Another way of creating meaning in a relationship is by working on common goals. John likes to say he isn't willing to go anywhere without room service, but his wife Julie wants to hike. John is hiking now.
The Surprising Secret to Speaking with Confidence with Caroline Goyder
All of us have confidence within us. If we knew where to look, we can find confidence within us. In today's society, we spend a lot of time working on our outward appearances. But, I'll have you know that confidence doesn't exist outside.
Goyder presents three secrets to speaking with confidence. She draws from anecdotal stories and experiences of both actors and public speakers alike.
1) Practice your voice by singing in the shower
The voice is the most amazing instrument. How often do you think about how yours works? Like a guitar the strings of the voice is your larynx, which is just underneath your vocal cords. The hitter is the air. If you know your voice is an instrument and those who are great at playing other instruments become good at through practice, all you have to do to be great with your voice is practice. The best way to practice is singing in the shower or in the car on the way to work.
2) Breathe slow and controlled using your diaphram
Who is the most confident person in the room? How can you tell? Think of when actors play kings in movies, how do they behave? When an actor is playing a king, the king stays still and other actors move around the king. The most powerful person in the room has the most relaxed breathing pattern.
The good news is that the unconscious system can be controlled through your breathing. What is within you is the key to a relaxed and confident path.Calming yourself down when standing in front of a crowd starts with focusing on the diaphram. This is the secret of what most actors and singers do.
Breathe using your diaphram. Place your thumb below your "bra strap" area of your chest. When you breathe in, push your thumb out with your diaphram. On the out breath, push your thumb in. If you put your hands on the side of your ribs you can also feel breathing. If you are ever nervous, do what we just explained.
3) Your last thoughts dictates your next speech
When we breathe in, we breathe in thoughts. When we breath out, what comes out is speech or song. Try this, think of someone or something that excites you, then talk about that person or thing. Did you notice your voice of excitement? If your last thought is positive one, your speech will come out as positive as well.
Romans understood that we breathe in our thoughts. Just look at the words inspiration and the respiration as they both have the same root! "If you want confidence in speech all you have to do is know when to shut your mouth." Think confident, be positive, and exude energy.
Picture yourself running the last mile of a half-marathon. Your feet feel as if they have had cement rocks chained to them, your arms feel as if you've been carrying twenty pound weights for hours on end, and any minute now your heart is about to burst. But, your brain tells you to push on. You only have a mile left. You tell yourself that you can do it. When the brain overrides the body, we call this sheer will power.
While marathon runners, triathletes, and professional athletes have excelled at their respective fields through sheer will power, their bodies are typically pushed to extreme limits. As a result, the body sends out warning signals to tell the brain to slow down. We often associate will power with being mentally strong. Will power is generally view in a positive light. However, not only are there physical repercussions to this, but there are also mental ones.
"The brain works on pursing happiness and is much more concerned about the future than the present, which results in us feeling anxious all the time.
In modern society, we largely ignore the wisdom of the body in favor of the brain. In general, we as humans rely more so on our brain than basic instincts. This is not a bad thing as it has gotten us to where we are now. Animals eat with their stomachs, we eat with your brains. When an animal's stomach is full, they stop eating. If snacks are lying around, do you just grab it and munch on them even if you don't feel hungry?
While there is generally no major issue with using our brain before acting, modern society has pushed it to certain extremes. The brain works on pursing happiness and is much more concerned about the future than the present, which results in us feeling anxious all the time. We are always working on anticipating what is coming next. Since the future has not arrived yet, we use a series of assumptions and leverage past experiences to attempt to predict the future. This is purely abstract and evidently there is always a level of uncertainly in what the future brings. Yet we chose to purse the future. Sometimes it even feels like the more we chase it the further away it runs. At the end of the day, we fail to enjoy the present and constantly think about the unpredictable and largely uncontrollable future.
Our concern for how the future will leads us to our obsession for external stimulants that eventually drives this endless cycle of craving for more lavish things. There no shame in striving for the better job, the bigger car, or the mansion house. However, when begin to believe that having those things will make us happy, nothing will ever be enough.
This week, take sometime to listen to your body. If it tells you it is tired, go to sleep. If you are feeling anxious, sit down, relax, and enjoy where you are right now for ten or twenty minutes. The present is only here for a limited of time. Why not try and enjoy it. After all, what is the point of always planning for the future if you never enjoy it when it comes.
In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie recounts a story involving Abraham Lincoln and his old neighbor. Lincoln had some problems that he wanted to discuss with his old neighbor. For hours, Lincoln talked about his own opinion on the issue and arguments for an against issuing a proclamation freeing slaves. At the end of it all, Lincoln shook his neighbor's hand and then without even asking for his opinion on the issue, sent his neighbor back to Illinois. Lincoln wanted what most of us want when we are in unfavorable situations. He wanted to vent to someone who would be friendly and sympathetic. Lincoln didn't want advice at all.
In order to be a great conversationalist, be an active listener. Ask them questions and encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. At the end of the day, people are more interested in talking about themselves or their own interests than yours.
Here are three questions that can help you get to know someone better.
1) For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If you are grateful for something in your life you are appreciative. Whether it is a person, place, or experience, the thing you are most grateful for at some point made or continues to make an impact on your life. Being grateful for something also helps you understand what you value most in life. Is it fame and fortune you are seeking? Or do you value the simple life?
2) If you could change anything about the way you are, what would it be?
Accepting who you are is a big part of becoming a more resilient person. With societal pressures looming in every corner, being comfortable in your own skin can sometimes be a challenge. Ultimately we are who we are because of our experiences including how we were raised. One reason why you would want to change the prior experiences is because it is still affecting your present or will have an effect your future. Just understand that there is always a trade-off. You can't be a party-animal free spirit and also be a quantum physicist.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
3) What does friendship mean to you?
Adding a friend on Facebook is as easy as clicking a button. We so often casually refer to people we know as friends even if we've only met that person once! However there are differing degrees of friendship. Those that you recognize and will say hi to on the street, but wouldn't reach out to on a daily or weekly basis. Then there are others who you spend more time with and see more often. When they've hit a rough patch in their life, you are there to comfort them and console them. Who are your closest friends?
The Most Important Thing You Can Do To Get Organized
We live in a society where we are constantly being bombarded with information. If your boss isn't asking you to reformat an excel sheet, then you are being nagged by your girlfriend or wife to take out the trash. When you think about it, human evolution has not caught up to today's information overload environment. For thousands of years, we've been programmed to essentially be hunters and gatherers. Human evolution has not prepared us to efficiently recall all the things we need to do throughout the day. Should you not believe these words, I dare you to take out a sheet of paper and write down 10 random words. When I say random, I don't mean something like "one", "two", and so on and so forth. Try writing down five animals and five fruits. Now put that list away and then try and recall all 10 words in order in which you had them appear. Not so easy is it? Our mental capacity can only hold so much at any one point in time.
If it is truly the case that we are struggling to remember 10 or so words, how in the world are we supposed to remember what the five things we need to do after work and on top of that the 15 things we need to pick up at the grocery store? Obviously, if we are only looking at a handful of things we need to do for the day, we might just try and memorize it. Otherwise we might just make a list and write it down somewhere, right?
"The best way to organize your to do list is through using note-cards."
The problem with trying to memorize these lists is that we tend to forget them. Also, it's just another thing to keep on our minds throughout the day. If we have to constantly remind ourselves on the way home to buy milk, our brains are using energy to recall that information. We then might get worried that we'll forget to pick up milk, so we repeat it to ourselves throughout the day. What might end up happening is that we get home and totally forget to pick up that milk from the grocery store.
We might add a reminder in our cellphone to pick up milk after work or maybe we decide to write it down on a sheet of paper and put it in our pocket. Whatever the case may be, we store this information outside of the brain. That way, you don't need to constantly keep that thought in our mind and therefore we are free to think of other things. As a result, life is less stressful. Make a list of all the things you need to do and just work through that list throughout the day.
"Your mind will remind you of all kinds of things when you can do nothing about them, and merely thinking about your concerns does not at all equate to making any progress on them."
What is the Best Way to Organize Your To Do List?
Let's consider our options for a minute. Voice recorders are inefficient because you need to take the time to replay when you said. When you scribble notes on a random piece of paper, you can easily lose that. Personally, carrying around a notebook was great because I kept all of my "to dos" in one place. In addition, I was also able to add to that list throughout the day. So if I was riding the subway or the bus and I suddenly remembered I needed to pick up milk from the grocery store, I'd whip out my notebook and scribble it down. But, carrying around a big notebook can be a hassle.
The best way to organize your to-do-list is through using note-cards. Grab a stack of 3x5 inch note-cards and cut them in half. Then write down all the things that you need to do that are on your mind. In other words, empty your mind and transfer all that worry onto the note-cards. For example, your cards might read, walk the dog after work, water the plants at night, or update your blog after the developer fixes your banner.
Then organize what you need to do into categories. For example, what needs to be done today, what needs to be done this week, and what can wait. Alternatively, you can organize them by topic. For example, I had them organized by "Equity Investments", "Personal", "Random", etc. Next, take your tasks and separate them into the aforementioned categories based on urgency and priority. Take only the cards in the "needs to be done today" pile with you to work or wherever you might be going today and a stack of blank cards. You will use the blank cards to write more to do things as they come to you throughout the day.
This way you can easily flip through your cards and understand what needs to be done. Each day you can then go through your pile of cards and reorganize based on priority what needs to be done and just knock them off one by one.
Are you planning on hitting up the gym today? Whether or not it is your first time at the gym or hundredth time, we always seem to forget to bring something. Aside from putting on workout clothes and shoes, which is a given, don't let yourself forget the essentials below.
Stay hydrated and do yourself a favor by filling up your stainless steel Klean Kanteen with water prior to heading out to the gym. One of my biggest gripes about water bottles is whether or not it leaves a plastic or metallic taste in your mouth. Just for the record, Klean Kanteens do NOT leave you with that taste.
The problem with most other water bottles is the fact that they could potentially have BPA (bisphenol A.), which is an industrial chemical that is found in plastic water bottles. Obviously there are negative health effects when BPA seeps into your food and drinks. But you can rest assured, these bottles are 100% BPA free.
In particular, both the 27oz and 40oz fits easily into the cup holder in your car. My favorite attribute of it is the loop cap because then I can carry it from the loop cap versus gripping the bottle. However, should you not want the loop cap, it can be replaced with a normal sport cap.
Just to top it off, in the five plus years I've had my Klean Kanteen, I have not once had a problem with it leaking as the cap seals quite easily.
Now you might have seen a lot of people at the gym walk around with these Blender Bottles. Inside these bottles there is a surgical-grade stainless steel ball. Now when you start to mix whey protein with water or milk, more times than not it will get clumpy. The wired ball is suppose to act as a whisk inside your bottle. It's pretty awesome to say the least. Even if you do not drink protein shakes, these bottles work really well for things such as yogurt smoothies. We were concerned about BPA earlier, so it is assuring to know that these are BPA-free plastics.
Great Tasting Protein Shake/Smoothie
If you are a protein shake drinker or are looking to get leaner muscles, I highly recommend the Gold Standard 100% Whey protein. A lot of protein supplement companies source their raw materials from third parties and most of the time these third parties are coming from third world countries. So they might be adding additional metals and even cattle hormones into the whey. But, Gold Standard Whey does NOT outsource their manufacturing. In fact, the manufacturing is by Glanbia, who is owned by Optimum Nutrition (the company that makes Gold Standard 100% Whey).
Another reason for buying this product is really the taste. Most other protein shakes taste terrible. If you added milk or water to these formulas, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between this and a kid's chocolate milkshake. Like most things there is a pitfall, the bad part is that use artificial sweeteners. That's how they get it to taste great.
Clean Active-Dry Workout Towel and Lock
The other key essential is the towel. If you think about it, every one of those machines is dripping with sweat and you wouldn't want you sweat mixing with someone else's. Grab an active-dry towel and you can check that off your list. Just make sure you put the towel down on the machine the same side every time, otherwise it defeats the purpose.
Most gyms have lockers, but they won't have a lock there for you. So, if you are a locker kind of guy or gal, pick up one of these classic master locks and you should be fine. Typically, I won't bring that much stuff to the gym whereby I will need a locker. Therefore, I'd consider a lock to be optional.
Nike Training Gym Sack
So you have your water bottle, spiffy towel, and maybe a lock for the locker room. Then you have the keys to your car/house, phone, and slim wallet. Well, this seems like an awful lot of small things to be carrying around especially when you are moving from machine to machine working out. Where do you put these things? You'll have to get the latest Nike Training Gymsack.
One of the best attributes of this bag is that there is a zipper in front. It also has air dry/ventilation on the bottom for soaked gym clothes/towels. It features three separate compartments and is very easy to wear on your back. On a side note, I've actually taken this bag to music festivals and people have commented on the convenience of being able to put water bottles and hold stuff without a traditional backpack.
1) Understand that becoming a more interesting person is a process. Therefore patience is involved. It doesn't happen overnight, nor should you expect it to. Focus on who it is you want to become in six months versus training for tomorrow's game. Be disciplined and start building the habits today that will be with you a lifetime.
What makes you a more interesting person?
2) Read. Read. Read. The more knowledgeable you are of what is going on in the world, whether it be history, sports, or just life in general, the more you can draw from in your conversations. One of the best ways of keeping up-to-date with the latest news is reading the newspaper. Alternatively, you can be subscribed via a feed to interesting blogs.
3) Discover your passion. There is nothing more interesting than a person who is passionate about something. When you are passionate about something you will naturally exude confidence and excitement. That excitement is contagious and others will be inspired by your enthusiasm. Even if others do not share in the same passion, you'll find most people are intrigued by what captivates you. If you aren't sure what you are passionate about, get out of your comfort zone and try new things.
Best way to be interesting? Be someone who is interested in life.
4) Workout. Studies have shown that those who exercise are more alert during the day and actually get more done during the day. Another benefit towards working out is just the pure discipline it requires to go to the gym day in and day out. Be motivated to change your life. You'll be able to carry this disciplined to other aspects of your life. Being fit and exercising will ultimately raise your confidence, which will seep into your daily life.
5) Develop a great circle of friends. Not only is this a great way to share your knowledge, it is also a great way to keep up to date with the latest happenings. Having a diverse set of friends lends you to consider different personalities and helps you learn to interact with different people.
6)Go to more places so you can recommend better places. While most of us Yelp things, everyone understands that reading about something and actually being somewhere are two different things. Furthermore, just because someone else says something is great does not mean you will think it is great. While it may be likely that may be the case, there are plenty of times when my friends had an opinion about a certain place that I disagreed with. It's not a one size fits all, so it's better to experience things.
7) Have something that gives you a diverse range of interests versus watching Game of Thrones every Sunday night. Pick up a hobby whether it be eating and blogging about fancy restaurants, painting, or playing a new sport.
"If you bank on achieving genuine happiness and fulfillment by finding the perfect mate, getting a great car, having a big house, the best insurance, a fine reputation, the top job - if these are your focus, wish also for good luck in life's lottery" - Alan Wallace
Too often in our lives we aim to get this or to get that. But why not? Why not have goals and aspirations? After all, what is the purpose of life if we don't have things to look forward to or things to shoot for. Don't we often hear people say shoot for the stars and land on the moon?
Most of what we do in life is to ultimately find happiness. How often do you hear someone say I want to do this because it makes me miserable? You wouldn't do things that only gave you misery. We believe that if we have more money, a big house, nice car, the perfect mate, perfect job, then we will be happy. No one can deny those things are not desirable. But, when we pin our hopes and dreams on the external world, we will end up disappointed.
"A friend from Hong Kong once told me that he'd promised himself that he'd save a million dollars, then quit work and enjoy life, and thereby become happy. Ten years later he had not one million, but three million. What about happiness? His answer was brief: "I wasted ten years of my life." - Matthieu Ricard
We seek certain things because we believe we will be happy because of it. However in the pursuit of happiness, we sometimes get lost and end up chasing the very things that we believe will give us happiness for the sake of chasing.
Why is it that so many poor and unsuccessful people appear to be so happy. Yet we see those who are successful, have a good job, a good house, a good car, a family and are utterly depressed and sad? It isn't what you have or don't have, happiness is cultivated from within.
See Fear as a Story - Learn What Fear Can Teach Us
Karen Thompson Walker is a fiction writer who wrote the New York Times Bestseller book entitled The Age of Miracles. The book is about a girl and her life after the earth's rotation suddenly begins to slow down, which results in longer days and nights, change in gravity, and shifts in the environment. All the while, Julia is also dealing with everyday life's challenges.
Fear is often seen as a form of weakness. As adults we are often told not to worry and not to panic. In fact studies have shown that humans are hardwired to be optimists. Hope for the future keeps our minds at ease, reduces stress, and promotes physical health. Society and nature have conditioned us into looking at fear as something we need to overcome.
However, Karen Walker suggests that we should look at fear as an "amazing act of the imagination". As a child before you went to bed did you ever wonder if there were monsters hiding in your closet or underneath your bed? When we see young children express their fears, we deem them as having an vivid imaginations.
As we grow older, we leave these visions behind and "grow up". But these intense worries are exactly what sparked and fueled the works of Darwin, the Brontës, and Proust. What can we learn about fear from these visionaries and young children? Fears are really an unintentional way of storytelling. Fears have characters just like stories do. In our fears, the characters are ourselves. Like stories, fears have plots. There is a beginning, middle and an end. You board a plane, the plane takes off, and then the engine fails. Fears can also be every bit vivid as imagery found in a novel. Fears also have suspense.
"As a writer I can tell you a big part of writing fiction is learning to predict how one event will affect all the other events. Fear works in that same way. In fear, just like in fiction one thing always leads to another." - Karen Walker
If you think of fear as more than just fears, but as stories, we should think of ourselves as the author of those stories. We should also think of ourselves as the reader of those fears. How we choose to read our fears will affect our lives. Successful entrepreneurs share a habit called productive paranoia, which means instead of dismissing fears these people read them closely and translated the fear into preparation and action. So they were prepared when their fears came true. However, they don't always come true.
How can you tell fears worth listening to an all the others?
The best reader has a combination of two different temperaments - the artistic and the scientific. A good reader has an artists' passion; willingness to get caught up in the story. Also, coolness of judgment of a scientist, which acts to temper and complicate the intuitive reactions of the reader.
When someone says that they ran a marathon or finished a triathlon, immediately what comes to mind is that the individual is successful, physically fit, and a hard worker. After all, why would we assume otherwise? To finish a marathon or triathlon is by no means an easy feat. Likewise, when someone says that they work at Google or Apple, we immediately give them credibility. The reason is because we have this positive image of Googleand Apple as being leading technological companies. We automatically assume that if someone works for them, they must be successful in that they possess certain skills that are highly desirable in the workforce.
In a world where so much information is constantly thrown at us, we use heuristics or mental shortcuts to make judgments. But, the problem with looking at the end result is that we then tend to associate the accomplishment with success. For example, you may think to yourself that if you are able to finally land that job at Google, then you will consider yourself successful. Or when you save up $50 million dollars then you will view yourself as being successful.
Success is not measured by what a man accomplishes, but by the opposition he has encountered, and the courage with which he has maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds…. -Orison Swett Marden
Chris Hadfield, a retired Canadian astronaut, believes this is how you set yourself up for a personal disaster. Even though Google is a large company and there are thousands of employees, most people in the world do not work at Google. In fact, relative to the entire population in the world, very few people work for Google. If you achieve a net worth of $50 million dollars you are considered to the in the top 0.002% of wealthy individuals in the world. While the latter is less likely to occur than the former, both of them are relatively rare occurrences. What happens when you don't achieve a net worth of $50 million or land a Google job, does that mean you are not successful?
While it is important to highlight your accomplishments on a resume, life is more about the preparation that is required for you to reach those peaks in life. The richness in life comes from the "challenges that we set for each other, and the way that we shape ourselves to rise to that challenge." In other words, life is much more about the journey of it all than the destination.
I think if there is any sort of meaning to life, its got to be something personal. How does the life you led affect your own conclusions about what's important to you? - Chris Hadfield
I've always wondered how some people are able to remain so poised and composed under pressure, while others frazzled and seem to lose control of themselves. Phil Jackson the former coach of Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant has been dubbed as the "Zen Master". He had a winning record every year as a head coach and has the highest winning percentage of any Hall of Fame coach. But, that isn't what impresses me the most. It is how he did it and more specifically his overall demeanor. During high pressured games he remained cool, clam, and collected. This doesn't mean he didn't show emotion. He just gave off the impression of a "we got this" mentality that ultimately feeds down to his players. On the flip side, if you look at Mike D'Antoni, he is like a rolling fireball. He more often than not appears agitated and loses control of his temper. A quick comparison of their coaching records shows which coaching style is more effective.
How do we develop this calm and poised demeanor? One way is to go through difficult experiences and grow acclimated to tough challenges. If as a young adult you grew up without both your parents and had to constantly jump from minimum wage job to job to support both your brother and yourself, you are going to have a tougher shell than someone who didn't go through that. You are less likely to sweat losing a job than someone who has had the same white-collar desk job for 30 years and suddenly the rug was pulled right underneath them.
Learning through experiences take time. We would rather learn the up front lesson than have to go through five years to get the same lesson. We use theories to accelerate our learning curve; lessons that others have learned through their experiences. Still, no matter how much you read about a situation or try to learn from others, there is nothing like going through the experience yourself.
You can watch a bunch of golf videos on how to swing a club and understand the mechanics behind a solid swing. However, this doesn't mean you will be a successful golfer. You still have to go and experience it.
The next best thing to actually going through experiences themselves is to use mental imagery to transport yourself into situations. This is not a new concept and frankly you are already be doing this. When you dream you are in a rehearsal for new challenges. When you dream your mind processes emotional material to help you mentally prepare for the situation when you are awake. But, you don't need to wait till you go to sleep to use mental imagery.
Whenever you have thoughts of stress, agitation, desire, pride, and greed cloud your mind imagine peaceful situations. Drop yourself mentally in a relaxing beach, placid lake, or imagine yourself on a high mountaintop overlooking the vast panoramic view. Next imagine yourself sitting quietly, your mind open and clear, as calm as windless prairie. Take notice of your inner storms dissipating and your strength from within growing. Your wounds may be deep, but they are not as strong as your mind over the matter itself.
How we control our actions and what beliefs we hold comes from our brain. Why is it that some of us have a harder time making decisions under pressure or feel overwhelmed when multiple issues are thrown our way? Why are we able to perform at a high level when nobody is watching, but when the world is watching we fail?
Nature has favored not those who are bigger, faster, or stronger, but those who are more cerebral. This is clear in the wild whereby crows and even pigeons have assimilated into our human dominated society. If bigger, faster, and stronger were favored, we would have cheetahs and elephants dominating the top of the food chain.While crows and pigeons have prospered, many other species have died out as humans continues to urbanize the world.
Enact Positive Motivational Self-Talk
In our minds, we all have a vision of what a strong person looks like and how an understanding of how a weak person behaves. If we believe that we are weak, we will feel weak. But if we think of ourselves as strong, we feel strong. It is really as simple as that. The words we use to describe ourselves leads us in the direction of where we are mentally or physically.
For example, if I tell myself that "I'm worthless. I am the worst at everything. I can't get to where I want to be. I constantly fail and make mistakes." Then I am creating a self-destructive mentally, which will translate into my behaviors and thoughts. The best thing about this self-talk is that if you do the opposite you will feel strong. When you feel that voice in your head start to seep discouraging words into your mind, ask yourself is that really the case? Is this task truly impossible?
"The fact that we can change our feelings means we have power over them." - Richard J. Machowicz
Interesting enough, sport psychological studies have found that instructional self-talk such as "Use your core strength here" and "You know you can do this!" has helped athletes perform better and succeed.
Set Reasonable Action Lists
Goals are where we want to end up or a place we eventually want to reach. While it is great to dream and aspire, a goal is just a dream until we take steps towards reaching that goal. Most of us had at least one New Year's resolutions at the beginning of the year. But, as the months roll by, I'll be willing to bet that those resolutions have begun to slip away. I myself have already broken a couple, but the beauty of it is that you can still get back on the horse. There is nothing that says just because you broke your New Year's resolution, you should stop trying to meet your goal.
"The mind guides action." If we succeed in regulating our thoughts, then this will help our behavior." - Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis
Goals can seem overwhelming at first because usually it is something you've never done before. If it was something you've been doing for a while then it wouldn't be a goal. The key is to break a goal down into steps and create a definite action list. It is much easier to tackle smaller tasks than large tasks. This is also why the best way to beat procrastination is to just take the first step. Once you start something, set your eyes on a nearby target. As you get further and further into the project, set another nearby target.
Make sure you reiterate your goals. It is important to remind yourself of these goals and why you have them. Write these goals down and put them in places you visit everyday. That way you won't miss them. If you can't avoid them, then you will eventually have to accept them and this will help you work towards that goal of yours.
Set Your Bedtime and Stick to It
One of the reasons humans live so long is because we recharge our bodies. However, we can blame the invention of the light bulb and advancements in technology for the sleep loss in today's world. Studies have shown that in the 1940s on average people slept for 8 hours. According to a recent Gallup poll, that figure is down to just under seven hours. The recommended hours of sleep is seven to nine hours.
In college, I was fine with sleeping 6 hours a day. I would bounce back the next day without any problems. Now I am beginning to see the effects of sleep deprivation. I've become a lot more irritable and noticed a drop in my learning and performance effectiveness. There were a lot of activities that I used to be able to pick up quickly and efficiently, but now I feel a step slower. The scary thing is that you are more at risk of developing diseases and more likely to feel unhappy.
At the end of the day, there is no replacement for sleep. The next time you feel the need to complete that extra assignment at work or work overtime, take a step back. You will be more fresh and better equipped to tackle that challenge in the morning when you have more energy. It is better to be more efficient during your optimal hours of the day than sluggish and spend hours upon hours finishing a task that probably would've taken you thirty minutes if you were fresh.
Are we looking far enough down the road? In today's fast paced society, whereby mail is now exchanged instantaneously and your every question is answered by Google in less than a second, we've grown accustomed to expect things to come immediately. However, this also means that we've started to consider our goals and aspirations on a month to month or day to day basis versus years and decades down the line. As a result, we may end up spending time on worthless pastimes or pursing possessions that don't necessarily mean much in the long-run.
"Years go by fast that it's hard not to think about the future. You live for the moment, of course, but you've also got to prepare for the future. That's life. That's everybody. Being in the situation you're in now you definitely think about it, but you do live for the moment." - Lebron James
It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of the day to day. That is why it is important to take a step back and look at the longer term. The below meditation exercise will help you temporarily change your perspective and help you see life in the light of a longer time period. Hopefully, this exercise will help you figure or reinforce what truly matters most in your life.
With your eyes closed and after you've allowed yourself to deepen your sense of relaxation, whereby your muscles are relaxed and your breathing has slowed, begin by thinking of a long time. Consider a span of many years (5-10 years). After that idea has settled in your mind, extend that time to an even longer time period. You may be at 10, 20, or 30 years. When you are ready, double that time. Then double that time again.
From this viewpoint, you are now centuries away from when you initial started the exercise. Look back at your life and ponder the below questions. Simply allow your intuitive instincts guide your answers into awareness.
1) What are the most important things in your life?
2) At the end of it all, what really matters?
3) What would you be better off doing more of?
4) What would you be better off doing less of?
Take a moment to write down your insights and reflect on them. You may discover that from a longer term perspective, your focus needs to be elsewhere or you could be right where you need to be. In addition, all the worries and difficulties you have from a day to day point of view will start to look small in the grand scheme of things. Now it's your job to ensure that you are on the right path and simplify your life by focusing on what really matters in life.
"Consider what you are doing and ponder whether it is worthy that you devote your life to it." - Rabbi Nachman
In today's society, we have ingrained in our minds that more is better and maybe even bigger is better. For example, compare a standard new car in 2005 versus a standard new car in 2013. In 2005, most cars did not come standard with navigation, Bluetooth, the Push Button Ignition, auxiliary input to hook your Apple products in, and air conditioning. I'm kidding about the last one, but you get my drift. Now even the Honda Civic comes standard with a back-up camera! It is in our nature to constantly want better, more efficient, stronger, faster, bigger.
Although striving for better and more is not in itself a bad thing, it poses a problem for most people when they start to believe that the key to happiness is to constantly chase after better things. Most people including myself develop plans and set goals that might involve ultimately buying a new house, new car, or land that new job. The moment it gets out of control is when we start to believe that in order to be happy we must have all those things we have listed in our "checklist". For example, we believe that we not be truly happy until we get that car, that job, that new house, more money, more prestige, and power.
When you start to shape your the world into what you want it to be, you get yourself into trouble. The reason being is that the world is constantly changing, there are a lot of things that we can not control. Everybody has their own ideals and fancies of how the world should be, there no way to change the world into everyone's desires. Then of course, suppose you do get everything you dreamed of. Now you will find that it isn't enough and of course you'll end up wanting more.
How does one end this vicious cycle or not let it get out of hand? Reduce the difference between your desires and what you have. That gap between your expectations and reality is your unhappiness.
Most people carry their wallets or purses with them when they go out. We don't think much about it when we go shopping or out for dinner, except for the fact that it might feel slightly lighter at the end of the night. But you certainly don't expect to lose it. The minute you lose your wallet or purse you might start to panic and think about all the credit cards you had in there and let's not fail to mention the cash that was also in it. But, after retracing your steps, you find your wallet or purse and suddenly you feel relieved. Isn't it interesting that the same purse or wallet made you panic and worry also is caused you to feel relieved and thankful? It is almost as if your happiness was dependent on that wallet or purse.
Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't care if you lose your wallet or purse. All I am saying is in general, your mindset is what controls your happiness. When you change your mindset, you'll be able to control your own happiness and not let it depend on external forces.
"What you need to do is be thankful for the life that you got. You know what I'm sayin'. Stop lookin' at what you ain't got and start bein' thankful for what you do got. - T.I.
How is it that when faced with a difficult and stressful situation, there are certain individuals who are just able to manage their stress better than others? The most resilient person is able to withstand the greatest of storms and come out of it poised, ready to assess the damage, and focus on rebuilding what was lost or determine the next logical steps to take. An example of strong resiliency is Viktor Frankl's Nazi death camp experience. Despite dire conditions and against all odds, when most of the people in the camps died, he came out of it a survivor.
Kennedy once said "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men". Life is not easy and it doesn't get any easier as you go through it. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking that finding that significant other or that new career promotion will make your life easier. There will always be roadblocks and new challenges coming your way. So, how is it that some men crumble in the face of difficult situations, while others thrive.
Remember That It's Not Personal
One reason is the way we decide to view situations. Many people lack resiliency because they take most things personally. If everything in their life is going well, then they rejoice and all is fine. However, the minute roadblocks or new challenges arrive, they start to become discouraged, doubtful, and discouraged.
How they feel ends up being controlled by outer conditions, which are largely uncontrollable. They might ask themselves, why me and why now. It's not personal, bad things happen to everyone. That person who honked at you on the freeway, might know what you look like, but doesn't truly know who you are. So, don't take it personally. Those who are resilient look beyond themselves and focus on the bigger picture or a goal larger than themselves.
Overcome Difficult and Stressful Situations
One of the best ways to build your resilience level is by going through difficult situations and figuring out a way to overcome them. Do you remember when you stressed over that high school paper, looking back if you had to do it again, you probably not be as stressed. You are more resilient now than you were years before.
"Experience is the worst teacher. It gives you the test before giving you the lesson."
In stock trading, it's the same. When you first start trading with a small portfolio of say $5,000. Any drop of 5% or $250 might have seemed like a lot of money. However, as you grow your portfolio to say $100,000. Now suddenly that $250 looks like chump change compared to what you arerisking now per trade. To be successful, you must adapt to stresses that were once difficult to overcome.
Visualize the Worst Possible Scenario
Another way to overcome stressful situations is by visualizing the worst possible scenario. Figure out what is the worst that can happen and then determine the logical or practical steps you need to take should that happen. Your goal is to view stressful situation be that shooting star or that small speck in the grand scheme of things because that's what most things are. We just get lost in the details when we are in the experience itself, but if we take a step back we will see the bigger picture. Then ultimately you might realize, it's not as bad as it might have first seemed.
Answer to Life's Meaning is Simplier Than You Think
By now we are all aware of the fact that the majority of what contributes to our happiness is either things we can not control (genetics) or things that are in our minds. In other words, the way we look at things. Only a small portion of our happiness is truly due to our circumstances. Still, we live life as if we believe in order to increase our happiness we must also improve our circumstances. We still think that the job promotion, new car or new house will bring us even greater happiness. ut the truth of it all is that that has little to do with our happiness.
Recently, I read a book entitled Man's Search For Meaning. Viktor Frankl is a Nazi death camp survivor who labored in four different camps. While his parents, brother, and pregnant wife all perished, he survived to live and share his experience on how he coped with the situation and found meaning in life despite his dire circumstances.
Viktor's story caught my attention because here we had a Nazi death camp survivor who in the face of the most difficult situations, was able to view life in a positive light and found meaning and purpose in life. Certainly if he was able to find meaning while living in a Nazi death camp, surely we should be able to do the same in our significantly more favorable circumstances.
For the most part and like most people who live in the United States or Europe, I have what most people in other parts of the world do not. I have a roof over my head and have never had to worry about not having food on the table. I've also been blessed with a great family and friends. Most people would be happy to have what I have. But for one reason or another, I'm never satisfied. I constantly find myself wanting more. While it is great to have goals, I find myself constantly pushing for more things and as a result I lose sight of the here and now.
As we get older, we become more subjective to nostalgia. In looking back, we tend to see only the good and forget about the bad. While this may temporary give us relief from present difficulties, doing so makes it difficult for us to see the opportunities that presently exist. Exceptionally difficult circumstances give us an opportunity to test our inner strength. Those in the concentration camps who chose to live in the past, ultimately did not see the opportunity and as a result life for such people became meaningless.
"Life is like being at the dentist. You already think the worst is still to come, and yet it is over already."
"We could say that most men in a concentration camp believed that the real opportunities of life had passed. Yet, in reality, there was an opportunity and a challenge. One could make a victory of those experiences, turning life into an inner triumph, or one could ignore the challenge and simply vegetate, as did a majority of the prisoners."
Rather than seek to find answers to what we expected out of life, ask yourself what life expects from us. Take responsibility for finding the right answers to problems in life and do what it takes to fulfill those tasks. Whether it be physical or mental, suffering will always be there as it is a part of human life. The opportunity in this comes from the way in which you deal with suffering. Choose the way in which you bear your burden.
Viktor knew that if he were to get out of the camps alive he and others would still have the opportunity for health, family, and a position in society. He gave others at the camp hope and treated the sick. He found meaning in his suffering and sacrifice, which ultimately led to his survival in the death camps.
You can find meaning in three different ways :
1) Creating work or doing a deed
2) By experiencing something or encountering someone
3) By the attitude we take towards unavoidable suffering
Having said all of this, I leave all of you with three quotes on life.
"Live life as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!"
"Don't take your life too seriously! You must realize that the world is a joke. There is no justice, everything is random. There is no grand purpose in the universe. It just is. There's no particular meaning in what decision you make today about how to act."
"The meaning in life is to help others find the meaning in theirs."
Secret to Happiness is in the Glasses You View Life Through
Most of us look to change our outer circumstances in order to find happiness. We believe that if we have certain things will will be happy. For myself, I feel as if I can just get that dream home, find that significant other, and get that dream car, I will be happy. However, it is actually how your brain processes the world that is the primary driver in your long-term happiness. In fact, 90% of your long term happiness is not predicted by the external world.
Therefore, if we can change our formula for happiness and success, what we end up doing is changing the way we then affect reality.
Did you know that 25% of your job success is predicted by I.Q.? The other 75% of job successes are predicted by your optimism levels, your social support, and ability to see stress as a challenge instead of as a threat.
Growing up, it is ingrained in our minds that the harder we work the more successful we will be. The more successful we are, the happier we will be. These concepts are the underlying concepts in our parenting styles, managing styles, and the motivation behind our behaviors.
Every time your brain experiences success, you just change your goal post of what success looked like. You got good grades, now you have to get better grades, you got into a good school and after you get into a better school, you got a good job, now you have to get a better job, you hit your sales target, you're going to change your sales target. And if happiness is on the opposite side of success your brain will never get there.
Brain works in opposite fashion, happier you are the better you work. Higher levels of positivity in your brain results in a higher level of performance compared to when you are negative, neutral, or stressed. Your brain is 31% more productive when positive than when in any of the previous three states.
You can train your brain to be more positive to think more optimistically and work more successfully.
Here are four ways to do the below.
1) Journaling about one positive experience you've had over the past 24 hours lets you relive it.
2) Exercise teaches your brain that your behavior matters
3) Meditation allows the brain to get over trying to multitask and lets your brain focus on one task at hand
4) Random acts of kindness are conscious acts of kindness - Write one positive e-mail praising or thanking someone in their social support network
