How Do You Tell Better Stories or Become a Better Storyteller Tips from Carmine Gallo

How did Google Start?

Google's roots sprouted from two Ph.D. students working on a research project back in 1996. It's initial aim was to license its search technology to other Internet companies and enterprise and not to make money off ads. After a few years had passed, the founders of Google quickly discovered they needed more cash to grow. It's early efforts to raise capital drew them to Sequoia Capital a venture capital fund. 

This happened in 1999 during a time where the dot-com boom had spawned a boatload of new business ideas that the world had not seen before. Michael Moritz of Sequoia Capital had seen his fair share of structured and bland PowerPoint presentations. Focusing on predicting what new concepts or technologies would catch on was hard enough, but the added agony of trying to sit through PowerPoint presentations just worsened the investing situation. 

What Sergey Brin and Larry Page brought to the table was a breath of fresh air. They came into the meeting with Moritz with a working search engine superior to anything that was out there. Instead of a PowerPoint presentation, they presented a story with a solution. Needless to say, this kicked off a $25 million round of venture capital funding.

Benefits of Becoming a Better Storyteller

Being able to tell a story can make the difference between landing that job or losing the trust of your coworkers. It isn't enough to have the facts on your side, you have to do the storytelling. How do you become a better storyteller? Let's take a step back and think about why certain lines from songs and speeches stick with you even many years after. Do you remember the first four words of Martin Luther King's famous speech? The reason you do is because we are wired in our brains to want to process in story mode. Ideas that catch on are those that are wrapped in a story. 

Everyone likes to hear stories about people who overcome struggle, especially those that "shoot for the moon". For example, Howard Schultz, founder of Starbucks, often tells his rags to riches story as he watched throughout his childhood as his father struggled to make ends meet to support his family. Stories that show where you've faced an intense struggle and come out better are inspiring. 

For all of you chemist or biologist out there, did you know that storytelling actually triggers the same parts of the brain between the listener and the storyteller. So you actually do sync up emotionally through brain chemistry. A compelling story with an emotional trigger alters our brain chemistry and makes us more understanding and trusting. Now that I think about it, this might explain why my mother enjoys listening to my long and drawn out work stories once a week.

Everyone knows the best grapes come from vines in the steep hillsides because they are "stressed" and that build character.

Three Main Parts of a Great Story (Not Beginning, Middle and End)

In the movie the Martian, the set up is the backdrop whereby Matt Damon and his team embark on a exploration journey to Mars. Once you set the stage and background of your story, you'll need conflict. After a huge sandstorm, Matt Damon wakes up to find that his team have left on Mars en route to Earth. He has limited resources and supplies that were not meant to last for long periods of time on Mars. Psychologically, we can only imagine how it must have felt to be trapped on a planet by yourself. Finally, in every great story there is a resolution. Matt Damon figures out how to make water from hydrazine, communicates with his team back home, and is able to plant potatoes as a result of all of this. You'll have to watch the Martian or read the book to find out what happens at the end. 

Great storytellers are made and not born. You have to believe your own story. If you don't believe your own story, how can you expect to inspire others to believe it? Here are four tips to becoming a great storyteller. 

1) Practice your story. Great storytellers on TED have practiced their stories over 200 times.

2) Provide details and illustrate your story as best you can. Illuminating your story helps it become more memorable versus strictly providing facts. 

3) Appeal to the emotions of your audience. 

4) Remember good storytellers instill hope. 

Elon Musk has become are great storyteller. In his recent presentation at Tesla of the Powerwall, which is essentially a battery, he showed slides of pollution. In the next slide, he showed the picture of the sun. Using simple language and pictures, he indirectly conveyed to his audience the solution of harnessing the sun to lessen pollution. In doing so, he offered a solution to a problem via his Powerwall or in other words he provided conflict and resolution.

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Laura Heck: Relationships 101: "The Science of Great Relationships" Summary

Dr. John Gottman’s studied couples in normal environments whereby he would have each couple wear monitors and also code their facial expressions based on the couples interactions. Through his years of research, he was able to determine there were certain behaviors are distinctive in divorced couples. He repeated similar studies seven times with different populations. Based on certain identifiable behaviors, Gottman was able to predict the couples that would end up in divorce with 90% accuracy.

Four patterns "horsemen" that are destructive to relationships

Complain vs. Criticize - Your wife or husband throws all of his or her clothes on the floor and at the end of the week, there is a huge pile. Instead of saying, "you are such a slob, you treat this home like a frat house." Try complaining without blaming. For example, say "I'm not so hot on all these clothes being on the floor, I would really appreciate if you picked up your clothes." The idea is to use a gentle build up versus immediately criticizing your partner.

Defensiveness vs. Taking Responsibility - Defensiveness is warding of a perceived attack and can often be seen as counterattacking. If your partner is a master criticizer then you want to ward off that attack in a more diffusing manner versus attacking back. An example of attacking back, could be "well I didn't see that, but did you see the mess you made over there?". One way of responding in a more diffusing manner is by taking responsibility. For example, if your partner says you are such a slob, you could respond saying, "yes you are right those clothes have been on the floor and I haven't picked them up yet". You don't have to take the blame, you just have to take part of the responsibility.

Contempt vs. Describe Your Own Feelings and Needs- This is the most potent of the four "horsemen" and typically comes later in the relationship. When you truly believe you are better than your partner, it can comes across as really hurtful to your partner. In fact, it chips away at the immune system. Instead scan the environment and find what your partner is doing right. What is it that you truly appreciate in your partner. My partner may not be the best in this, but he or she is great at this.

Stonewalling vs. Do Physiological Self-Soothing  - When your partner starts to escalate a situation and you stop paying attention to your partner you are stonewalling. Do physiological self-soothing by emotionally and cognitively disengaging. You might say, I can't have the conversation right now and go take a break. Reconvene at a later time when both of you are ready to speak.

Additional Relationship Principals

Love map principal - In order to have a strong relationship, you need to have a strong friendship foundation. You have to know everything about them. When you start to fall in love with someone, you might ask a bunch of questions to get to know them. For example, "what color do you like?" or "what are your goals?" Twenty-five years passes by and your partner changes, but you don't ask the same questions. Love maps is the idea that you have a map of the partner's internal map. Ask your partner open ended questions to learn more about them.

Nurturing the fondness and admiration - Focus on the positives of what your partner is doing versus the negatives. This is even applicable to those that you manage at a work place. If you are rewarding people you manage, they are more able to do those things correctly. Set an alarm everyday and send a text to your partner for example, "Thank you so much for.." or "I'm so appreciative for.."

Turning toward small things often - Doing small things consistently versus one-time splurges. Turning toward means your partner is looking for acknowledgement. If you are faced down on a phone or computer, you'll miss out on the cues from your partner. You can either turn towards your partner as a positive response, you can turn away and ignore, or lash back at them. Every time you turn towards your partner with a positive response, you are putting a deposit in much like a bank account. So, when there is a huge fight, you have enough buffer and don't over-withdrawal.

Letting your partner influence you - When your partner wants to pursue a goal or adventure, your first response is "whatever you want let's make it happen". Oftentimes, what actually happens is that you become a roadblock. The key is being able to negotiate and understanding why it is so important versus immediately saying no. When men were saying no and weren't even willing to negotiate, 81% of the time couples end up divorcing.

You can have solvable problems and perpetual problems. Solvable problems include "how are we going to use tax refund?" or "whose house are we going to for memorial day?" Oftentimes they tend to be short term in nature.

Perpetual problems are issues that are based more on values. If I am an introvert and my partner is an extrovert that is a perpetual problem. But it is not solvable, it is more about understanding your partner and finding common ground. Another perpetual problem is where one partner is frugal and the other is a big spender. If that is the case and both are looking to purchase a car, write down one or two core attributes you can not be flexible on. For example, it is important to me that we only buy a car with cash.

"You always and you never" are the worst way to bring an issue up. However, you can make a repair attempt. A repair attempt is anything that you do to derailed and change the conversation. For example, you might say "I apologize that is not what I meant to say, or it came out incorrectly". Alternatively you can be silly and lick your partner on his or her cheek. The key is that if you have a strong enough friendship, your partner will accept your "repair attempt".

Create meaning in a relationship by moving from I to we. Creating rituals allows for a meaningful relationship. For example, one husband every evening when the kids went to bed would put a tea kettle and when the tea kettle was ready, his wife and him would massage each other's feet and drink tea. It is the time when both of them can connect. Another way of creating meaning in a relationship is by working on common goals. John likes to say he isn't willing to go anywhere without room service, but his wife Julie wants to hike. John is hiking now.

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